then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize