sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
