it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize