Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
