I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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