Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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