I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
