So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
