Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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