yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
