You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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