I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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