He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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