There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
