What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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