you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
