i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
