I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
