so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
