I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
