Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
