dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize