Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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