I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
