This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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