haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
