we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
