I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
