I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Pooping to opera.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
