i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
