I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
