How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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