Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so let's talk penis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
