Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize