so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
