You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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