we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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