I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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