Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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