i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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