there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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