when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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