john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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