just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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