so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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