turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
