Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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