you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
