I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
