Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
