before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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