I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
