pop tarts are not kleenex
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
God I need to hump something, right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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