I am puke
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
