I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize