chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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