I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
