My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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