is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Drake has all the answers
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
