also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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