she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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