i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
