Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
