There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
