Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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