So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
