do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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