The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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