so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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