i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
