you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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