Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
