It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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